Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You ruined the universe
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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