dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
