All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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