thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
