What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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