The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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