Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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