I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
