I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize