the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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