There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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