is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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