At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
