i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize