So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
