my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
