My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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