I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
