you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
