But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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