Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you made out with another girl for some wings
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
