His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
