youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize