Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
