Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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