Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
