Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
