You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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