im drinking this country out of the recession.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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