could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
