Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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