So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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