i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
