Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
