Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
