It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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