I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
