is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
