just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
