What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
