i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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