I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
