Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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