his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
