Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
