The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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