so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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