Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
