thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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