I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
