the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
