"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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