I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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