Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
