Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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