6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
