It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm too high and old for this...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
