i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
