Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize