Where is the hickey?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
