I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
