Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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