I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
