Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
