Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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