Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
