I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and she was petting her beer can
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
