He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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