hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize