what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
