Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
