Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
