he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
