Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
