I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize