HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
